On Friday, July 25 I would have been married for 33 years. I write this because I want all the sympathy everyone has to offer, much like someone posting a vague book update or a hospital selfie with a caption that reads, “Please don’t ask, just prayers.” Actually, I’m writing this because I cannot believe […]
There’s got to be a better name for it! Aging. I am cautiously, apprehensively, approaching 50 and the conundrums of a half century plague my thoughts. The first, how could I possibly be 50? My mother is 50. The streaks of silver hair that run through my bangs, the saggy, wrinkled skin wrapped around my […]
My father-in-law died. Our relationship has been nonexistent in recent years. After Peter died, my in laws seemed uninterested in most aspects of mine and my children’s lives. The less I talked to them the more the pain of our disintegrated relationship stung. I vacillated between praying to sky daddy that we could repair our […]
I am an only child; I have always been an only child. My mother wanted more children but to her dismay, it never happened for her. When people find out I am an only child, two things happen, first their face contorts into an ugly, confused shape, second, they say, you don’t seem like an […]
I often wonder when I will get old. Will I wake-up one morning and be old. Am I old now? I recently decided, yes, decided to get and wear bi-focals. People who are nice, call them progressives. Maybe because you are getting progressively older, progressively blind, progressing your way to cataract surgery. I have these […]
Since I became a widow there have been two things that I detested about myself. One is my ability to cry at anything. Tragic, triumphant, mediocre, anything. When Peter died it’s as if my heart became exposed in a new way. I have always been a crybaby but once I experienced that loss, my heart […]
“Am I too old to do coke?” I mumbled the question to my friend Joe. “What, Love?” He says, taking a long drag from his cigarette, as he is perched on the edge of his picnic table. “Am I too old to do cocaine?” I mumbled again, ashamed I am even asking this question. “What? […]
HERE A PIC, THERE A PIC, EVERYWHERE A DICK PIC. I’ve started dating, oh joy! I have joined Ok cupid, a free online dating site. I have never been on a dating website, there was never a need. I’m ready, I say to myself. I’m not ready, I say even louder. I ask my therapist […]
When I was in high school, there were a few people that I aspired to be. I had hair envy, I had body envy. But there was only one person who gave me brain envy. Her name was Valerie Veerman and she was the smartest person, I knew and usually the smartest person in the […]
“You are a train wreck!” “I’m a train wreck?” “Yes, a total train wreck and I know that.” “Why, why am I a train wreck?” “Because you can’t let go of Peter.” I’m the fucking train wreck, I’m the train wreck? You… your ex-wife is a macadamia and you picked her, and you ALWAYS talk […]
lifeinthewidowhood 