HERE A PIC, THERE A PIC, EVERYWHERE A DICK PIC. I’ve started dating, oh joy! I have joined Ok cupid, a free online dating site. I have never been on a dating website, there was never a need. I’m ready, I say to myself. I’m not ready, I say even louder. I ask my therapist […]

My Gal Pal Val.

When I was in high school, there were a few people that I aspired to be. I had hair envy, I had body envy. But there was only one person who gave me brain envy. Her name was Valerie Veerman and she was the smartest person, I knew and usually the smartest person in the […]

No, I can't feel "it"!

When I was married, I used to think Sex and the City was a fairy tale, a fanciful, dramatic confection of stories spun together to entertain us women.  I used to believe fiction was stranger than life, then I became single. I was shoved, by my own doing, to enter the dating world. Maybe I […]

No, I can’t feel “it”!

When I was married, I used to think Sex and the City was a fairy tale, a fanciful, dramatic confection of stories spun together to entertain us women.  I used to believe fiction was stranger than life, then I became single. I was shoved, by my own doing, to enter the dating world. Maybe I […]

Black Wives Matter

“I am dying” I say, when asked. My friend Sarah and I are on the phone and she asks me how I am and my off the cuff response is I am dying. This was not yesterday or even two years ago.  This was ten fucking years ago and I was convinced of my impending […]

Forty is Forty

I am pretty sure that forty, or a few years after forty, is the most dangerous age known to man. At 39, I knew I had my life figured out. OK my husband died soon after I turned thirty-nine but still I’ve witnessed this age collapse with my forty-something friends. In the two short years […]

I want my ten dollars!

I am not in the Christmas spirit, at all. My kitchen is a disaster area. There is crusted food on my tile counter tops. Garbage is on the floor, next to the garbage can; not in the can, but next to it.  Paper towels are strung to and fro and I have less than zero […]

Do Beans Burn?

Fish don’t fry in the kitchen… beans don’t burn in the grill… took a whole lot of turn in, just to get up that hill… This is my brain right now. This is all I can remember right now and this damn Jeffersons theme song keeps circling through my brain. I wouldn’t call it an […]

Forty-five

You would have been forty-five. We used to talk about how old forty-five seemed when we were in our twenties. You dreamed or hoped you would have children by then, I was not so sure. You used to tell me forty-five was half of your life, I had no idea that forty-five would be longer […]

That Danny Glover thing

I think I have that Danny Glover disease. Nope, I know I have it. He is on my T.V. every night describing something I have been struggling with since widowhood. In these commercials, Danny talks about his ability to control his emotions because he is an actor and he does not, I repeat, does not […]