Forty-five

You would have been forty-five. We used to talk about how old forty-five seemed when we were in our twenties. You dreamed or hoped you would have children by then, I was not so sure. You used to tell me forty-five was half of your life, I had no idea that forty-five would be longer […]

That Danny Glover thing

I think I have that Danny Glover disease. Nope, I know I have it. He is on my T.V. every night describing something I have been struggling with since widowhood. In these commercials, Danny talks about his ability to control his emotions because he is an actor and he does not, I repeat, does not […]

Looking for…

I’ve been looking for a savior in these dirty streets, looking for a savior beneath these dirty sheets… I need something that is unattainable. I know it is unattainable, still I search. I look everywhere and can’t seem to find it. I know what I need but I also understand that what I need can’t […]

Know thy self.

I don’t know who I am without Peter. I am lost on so many levels without him. I know I am a parent, a single parent. I know I am a woman in love with several men. (I may or may not explain that last sentence in a blog) In an effort to know myself, […]

U N I O N !

I write a blog. I write the things that have happened to me and I write about things that I hope will happen to me. I write the truth as I know it. I write how I see things. I curse things, people, places. I swear and I bemoan, but I never lie. I say […]

What kind of mother are you?!

I worry that my kids are going to get scurvy, not a realistic fear in the twenty-first century but a fear I still have.  Maybe it’s because I can’t deal with the real dangers of life.  Between my anxiety over my daughter being date raped when she ventures off to college and my son being […]

Daisies

When I was nine, I was being molested by my mother’s boyfriend. That was the same time I fell in love with daisies.  Daisies aren’t particularly beautiful but I loved them with all my nine year old soul. As the abuse escalated so did my love for daisies. I watched them return, not just return, […]

Dr. Dentist

I am up again, not having a husband is exhausting on too many levels. I have to do something I hate to do. I have to fire someone, a professional someone. I have to fire my dentist. She is a stalker that does not abide by societal rules and I must fire her. I have […]

Sheryl Sandberg is in shock

When Peter died, one of my best friends came to stay with me. Her name is Vivian and she is my neighbor in the widowhood. Once the doctors decided that Peter was officially gone, Viv caught the next plane to Portland. The morning after he died, we were walking through my front door and I […]

M-A-R-Y new word A-N-N

When my mom met Peter for the first time, she was smitten.  I am not sure what it was about him that she instantly fell in love with; maybe his shyness, maybe the way he looked at me with adoration in his eyes, maybe his quick wit, I am not sure. If you asked Mary […]